My Whole Self Grew

Growth and expansion through a lens of thoughtfulness, whimsy, and self love

I used to constantly feel like I was too much.

Too loud, too weird, too big of emotions, too weird of fashion, too needy. If I wanted to be accepted, I had to shrink myself. And I did, or at least, I tried, and it made me depressed, anxious, confused, and full of self hatred.

After years of this, the only option I had left was to escape. I moved to Chicago and met the beautiful soul that would become my husband and life partner. Changing my environment and the voices in it allowed me to express myself to my fullest extent. It's interesting though, as who I am expanded, so did my body. My whole self grew.

In another time and place, it would trigger me and make me feel like I need to be smaller to be loved and accepted. Now, I see the parallels of my personal development. My body tells my story through its scars, its modifications, its wrinkles, and stretch marks; through years of life happening inside and outside to it. How could I not expect this internal transformation not to show externally?

That's how I like to look at it. Growth and expansion through a lens of thoughtfulness, whimsy, and self love. How can I assess my value by the number on a tag, or the shape of my silhouette, when all I see is a soul with almost 30 years spent living, learning, breaking, building, and loving?

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